Stop Saying “I Can’t”—Or I’m Gonna Smack You! (With Love, Of Course)

If I hear one more person say, “I can’t,” I might just lose it. And I don’t mean that lightly.

Look, I know we all come from different backgrounds. I work with people who have disabilities, trauma histories, and systemic barriers stacked against them. I get that we all have strengths and weaknesses.

But if you’re walking around chanting “I can’t” like it’s your personal mantra, you are actively making everything in your life harder.

Your mindset shapes your reality—period. If “I can’t” is your default setting, every challenge will feel insurmountable. Every struggle will seem like proof that you’re doomed to fail.

I see it differently. And here’s why:

I Grew Up in Survival Mode—“I Can’t” Wasn’t an Option

I grew up in severe poverty—the kind where you don’t know if you’re eating that day. The kind where you’re a small child panhandling for money because you’re starving.

Let me tell you something:

• I had to find a way to eat.

• I had to find a way to survive.

• I had to find a way to keep moving forward.

At no point did I sit down and say, “I can’t.” Because if I had? I probably wouldn’t be here writing this today.

My mantra was:

“No matter how hard it gets, I will find a fucking way.”

And that mindset has carried me through every impossible moment in my life.

Your Brain Will Believe Whatever You Tell It

If you keep saying “I can’t”, guess what?

Your brain will believe you.

It’s called confirmation bias—your brain is constantly scanning your environment for proof that what you believe is true.

• If you believe “I can’t do this”, your brain will highlight all the ways you’re struggling.

• If you believe “I’ll never get better”, your brain will show you all the evidence that proves that.

But if you start saying “I will find a way”—your brain will get to work finding one.

Disability, Trauma, and the Power of “I Can”

I work with people who have physical disabilities, PTSD, trauma, and neurodivergence. Many of them have been told what they can’t do their entire lives.

But I’ve also seen what happens when they shift their mindset.

I’ve had paralyzed clients who decided, “Okay, I can’t move my legs, but I CAN strengthen my upper body.”

• They trained until they could pull their entire weight with their arms.

• They built muscle. They built confidence.

• Their whole mindset shifted from “I can’t” to “Look what I CAN do.”

I’ve had autistic clients who struggled socially, saying, “I can’t connect with people.”

• Instead, they shifted to, “I CAN connect in a way that works for me.”

• They built friendships in ways that felt authentic and sustainable.

That shift from “I can’t” to “What CAN I do?” is everything.

The Locus of Control: Are You Giving Away Your Power?

This isn’t just motivational talk—it’s science.

Psychologists talk about something called Locus of Control—it’s the belief system that determines how much control you think you have over your life.

• External Locus of Control → You believe life happens to you. You think you have no control over your circumstances. You feel powerless.

• Internal Locus of Control → You recognize that, while you may not control everything, you do control something.

And that something is enough to build momentum.

(For my fellow research nerds, I’ll drop some peer-reviewed links in the reference section at the bottom.)

Start Small: Prove to Yourself That You Can

If you’re deep in “I can’t” mode, you have to start proving yourself wrong.

And the way to do that? Start small.

• 🦷 Brush your teeth. And when you do, tell yourself: “I take care of myself because I am worthy.”

• 🚿 Take a shower. Feel the difference in your body when you’re clean.

• 👕 Put on real clothes. Get out of those pajamas!

• 🚶‍♀️ Move your body in any way that feels good—even if it’s just a 5-minute walk.

Every single one of these actions tells your brain: “I am worth the effort.”

Extreme Examples of “I Can”":

One of my all-time favorite books is Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (Seriously, read this Book!).

This man survived a Nazi concentration camp—a literal nightmare of human suffering—and still found meaning and purpose in his life.

Now, I’m not saying your struggles aren’t valid. But if someone in a concentration camp could still find purpose, resilience, and determination, then you have the ability to shift your mindset, too.

Stop Sitting in “I Can’t” Mode

If you stay in “I can’t”, your body will follow.

• You’ll sit in your pajamas all day.

• You’ll stay on the couch.

• You’ll avoid movement.

• You’ll let your life stagnate.

And you know what that tells your brain?

💀 “I am not worth taking care of.”

But if you just start moving—even in the tiniest ways—you will start to reprogram your brain.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

I know this isn’t easy. But I also know that you don’t have to do it alone.

I run coaching groups and therapy programs for people who feel stuck. And let me tell you—change happens faster when you have support.

• If you’re an introvert and hate socializing, start with individual therapy or coaching.

• If you need community support, try a small group.

• If you’re not sure where to start, reach out—I’ll help you figure it out.

Final Thoughts: You WILL Do the Impossible

Right now, there are things you think are impossible for you.

🔥 And I promise you—they aren’t.

🔥 Every small action in the direction of “I can” rewires your brain.

🔥 Every step—no matter how tiny—moves you forward.

🔥 And one day, you will look back and realize you did the things you once believed were impossible.

It starts with one step. It starts with brushing your teeth. It starts with getting off the damn couch.

And it starts with stopping the bullshit mantra of “I can’t.”

Because you can.

And I’m here to help you prove it!

References & Further Reading📚 

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946)

Rotter, J. B. (1966). Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied, 80(1), 1–28. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0092976

Wong, P. T. P., & Weiner, B. (1981). When people ask “why” questions and the heuristic of attributional search. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 40(4), 650–663. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.40.4.650

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